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From Her Daughter, Robin

An Open Letter To Dorothy May Seay

My Dearest Mom,

Well, it's been 9 days since you left, and I'm back to calling you Mom. As a little girl, you were always Mommy. But as I got older, you became Mom...until your last two days on earth. Then every time I talked to you, Mommy just popped out. I guess it was the pain and terror of the little girl still inside of me. She's still scared, and definitely in pain.

The day after you died, I was talking to someone ( I think it was Marsha) and I found myself saying that we wanted anyone who knew and loved you to write down they're favorite or strongest memories of you, and send them to us. I thought we could read them on the boat as we scatter your ashes. I don't know where the idea came from...it just popped into my head. I'm beginning to wonder if you didn't do the "popping", since all my best ideas came from you, and this has proven to be a great one! The letters and thoughts they convey have given me such comfort and joy. I've actually found myself truly smiling from the heart in reading them.

As I pray you know (and you probably do since a little thing like death isn't going to keep you from being in charge of your soul) David has set up this most wonderful website in honor and in memory of you.I'm so proud of him and what he's done. It has been a great comfort to share this with our friends. And now it's my turn to add my words and loving thoughts to all the others. Unfortunately, there are not enough megabytes in cyberspace to hold all the memories we share. So I'll write just a few...the people who matter (you and I) will know them for all eternity without the technical help.

My first memory of you is from the age of 2. I had fallen out of the wagon on concrete and fractured my skull. I awoke in the hospital and all I could see were these flashing, multicolored flat planes (as in geometry). I remember feeling terrified and crying Mommy, Mommy.And suddenly you were there, making the scary planes disappear. You stroked my forehead, told me you loved me, and that everything was okay. And because you said it, I knew it was true, and slept.

I remember wanting a baby brother or sister, or a kitty. You weren't to keen on the baby idea, but you went on a campaign to convince Dad to get me a kitten for Christmas (his feelings ran to "I'll never have one of those dam_ things in this house unless it's swinging from a rope!"). But you persevered and won, and made my dream come true that Christmas morning when you let the all white kitten just sort of wonder into our family fun wearing that big red bow! Only problem was I couldn't get near the cat all day because Dad was on the floor playing with her!!

Another favorite occured when I was about 9. Dad and the boys were out for the night at some Boy Scout function, and you had planned this night to be just your's and mine to "explore the facts of life". We took our baths and put on our flannel jammies, and climbed into Mom's and Dad's big bed (always a treat!). I can still feel how soft you were and how sweet you smelled. I remember you speaking very gently and seriously while I giggled alot! You've told me many times over the years (and we roared with laughter evey time) that when you got all done with your carefully planned speech on love between a man and a woman I said,"YUCK! I'll never do that! But if I do, I'll come right home and tell you. And remember...I did.

You and I could always talk about everything. How my friends envied that! We didn't always see eye to eye, but I could always lean on you with any problem or decision. You'd listen to what I had to say, then tell me how you thought it might work out. Many times I took your advice, And many times I did not.Those were the times I learned the hard way that you were NEVER wrong - and we've talked about how infuriating that could be!

You've always been there for me - thru good times and bad - and we know there were plenty of bad. And although I was to big to sit in your lap, I could sit at your feet with my head in your lap and you'd rock me, and stroke my forehead, and tell me everything would be okay. Thank God, you were right again.

I remember crying in your lap when they found Jimmy's heart murmur at 1 month of age...crying and rejoicing thru out his kidney disease...having you (my best friend) as my matron of honor...at the birth of my son and daughter, and as "cinematographer at the birth of my youngest. I remember every Christmas, birthday, Mother's Day, and everyday of my life with you!

Parents always talk about their children being gifts from God. But this child thanks God everyday for the blessing of having you for my Mom!

I have always felt such pride in you. I don't think the women executives of today know how much of their success they owe to you. You forged the way for women to take their place in business. In 20 years you rose from relief switchboard operater ( who bluffed her way thru her first use of a switchboard) to the Director of Materials Managment with only 2 people superior to you in the company. You were honored by the Hine's Commision as the most honest purchasing agent they'd ever interviewed. You became Chaplain of a male dominated Marine Corp. League, and "Marine of the Year" for the entire state of New York!

Your giving spirit is legendary, not only in your dealings with people, but in your devotion to volunteerism: Orange Park Medical Center E.R., MacRonald House, Hospice Northeast, University Medical Centers Nephrology Buddies, The Tree of Life, Blood Donation, and many more.

You always lived by "My child, right or wrong" and "Charity begins at home". You literally gave up your hard earned retirement to help me when I became a single parent trying to raise 3 kids -1 with a catastrouphic illness. And though you had every right to feel bitter, you were never anything but loving and supportive while asserting that you were doing exactly what you wanted to do.

When they diagnosed you with Metastatic Adenocarcinoma, I shattered. But then the nurse in me had to take over make sure you died the way you had lived...your way. Thanks to Hospice Northeast, Rich, David, and most importantly Carol, I was able to do that.The only snag was over a hospital bed (which you despised) vs. your bed. But we, your kids, knew you wanted to die in your own bed, and now realize what a blessing that victory was. Had you been in a hospital bed I could not have spent your last day lying next to you singing hymns, and holding your hand.

On that day I did what I never dreamed I'd do...I prayed to God to "take this earth-bound angel to heaven". I believe Gallagher came for you and took you to heaven and your Mom. That brings me such comfort, to picture you cradled in your mother's arms as I was in your's so often.

I cry (a lot) and I miss you. But then I'm overcome with this feeling that you're with me - really with me, that you know what and how we're doing, and that you have your hand in making sure we'll be okay.

I know I'll never hear you say "I love you", or feel your baby-soft hand on my face again in this life. That's almost more than I can bear. But I know that you'll always be here with me, and that we will be together again one day. That is comfort. And that is my Mom!

I'll Love You, Forever.
Robin xoxoxo

A few years ago, I came across a lovely little children's book written by Robert Munsch. It touched my heart as it could have been written for my Mom and me. I bought the book for Christmas and took a little literary license as the book was written from a male child's perspective. I changed the child's gender in my book as I do now. I pray Mr. Munsch will understand.

LOVE YOU FOREVER

A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she held her, she sang:

The baby grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was two years old, and she ran all around the house. She pulled all the books off the shelves. She pulled all the food out of the refrigerator and she took her mother's watch and flushed it down the toilet. Sometimes her mother would say,"This kid is driving me CRAZY!" But at night time, when that two-year-old was quiet, she opened the door to her room, crawled across the floor, looked up over the side of her bed; and if she was really asleep she picked her up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked her she sang:

The little girl grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was nine years old. And she never wanted to come in for dinner, she never wanted to take a bath, and when grandma visited she always said bad words. Sometimes her mother wanted to sell her to the zoo! But at night time, when she was asleep, the mother quietly opened the door to her room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If she was really asleep, she picked up that nine-year-old girl and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and foth. And while she rocked her she sang:

The girl grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was a teenager. She had strange friends and she wore strange clothes and she listened to strange music. Sometimes the mother felt like she was in a zoo!But at night time, when that teenager was asleep, the mother opened the door to her room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If she was really asleep she picked up that great big girl and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked her she sang:

That teenager grew. She grew and she grew and she grew. She grew until she was a grown-up woman. She left home and got a house across town.But sometimes on dark nights the mother got into her car and drove across town.If all the lights in her girl's house were out, she opened her bedroom window, crawled across the floor, and looked up over the side of her bed. If that great big girl was really asleep she picked her up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she rocked her she sang:

Well, that mother, she got older. She got older and older and older. One day she called up her daughter and said, "You'd better come see me because I'm very old and sick." So her daughter came to see her. When she came in the door the mother tried to sing the song. She sang:

But she couldn't finish because she was too old and sick.The daughter went to her mother. She picked her up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And she sang this song: